Log in

Friends Only

This journal is for the most part friends only. To be added as a friend, please leave a comment on this post.


So I'm seriously thinking about giving NaNoWrimo another try this year. If for no other reason to give my mind a break sometimes from work and school. As I'll be in school Monday-Friday 9:00AM until 3:30PM and at work Friday from appoximately 5:00PM-8Something PM, Saturday 10:30AM-2Something PM, and Sunday 10Something AM- 2Something PM, it will definitely be a challenge to find time to write, but *IF* I can come up with an idea, I will probably at least attempt. Will I really believe I stand even half a chance at reaching 50k? Nope not for a second. However, it might at least get me writing again and that's what my real goal is.

Last day of work

Yes that's right I have finally gotten to my last day of working in the restaurant industry. I MIGHT still help out on occasion schedule permitting until I get my cosmetology license to pick up a little extra cash, but overall, I'm done with the food industry.

So now I'm moving onto being a homemaker, which from the other time I've done it, I tend to prefer it to working outside the home. Really the only exception I think might exist to this would be either beauty industry or something centered around animals like vet or vet tech.

The main reason I'm looking forward to not working: I can now have a life. My work schedule (6days a week, 7 shifts a week) made it basically impossible to have a life. In my case by have a life, I mean finally have time to do something other than work.

I'm looking forward to being able to clean and cook again. I'm finally going to be able to read the way I used to. And I'm definitely looking forward to spending more time playing with my animals. Also, I'll finally have time to work out, which when I'm not so run down from work I truly enjoy doing.

I'm going to work on a list of goals and a reading list later and will post them here and on another blog I'm starting that will most likely be updated more often as it will really focus on my life. This one will still have major updates but that one will have more of how I'm adjusting to not working, being a homemaker again, and when the time comes to being a mother (both to my fiance's daughter and eventually to my own children).

R.I.P. Cocoa Zephyr

Cocoa Zephyr (my sweet little guinea pig) died April 24 from pneumonia. He got sick very suddenly and passed very quickly. I attempted to save him by taking him to vet same day I saw he had gotten sick, but sadly guinea pigs (really rodents in general) don't have high survival rates when it comes to respiratory infections. I had him 7 weeks. It was seriously mere hours away from being a true 7 weeks as I had gotten him the night of March 6, and he passed the afternoon of April 24.

I was surprised by how attached I was to him considering I hadn't had him long and the fact that he wouldn't really let me hold him much and wouldn't take treats from my hand. The cats, especially Strawberry, kept looking for him for a little bit after I got back from the vet. Jake's going to make a box for him so we can bury him.

R.I.P. Cocoa. Momma loves you.

"I'll see you through"

So today is Easter Sunday as well as the one year anniversary of the passing of my GodGrandmother. But this post isn't about her or how much I miss her. Instead it's about the dream I had that caused me to wake up and cry.

I saw my daddy die. Only this time it was different from when it happened in reality. And I was there when he died. Both when his soul left his body and several long hours later when the physical body finally stopped completely. It was still in a hospital. Only this time there were no machines hooked up to him. In fact, looking at him you wouldn't have known anything was wrong. The dream semi-centered around both me and him acknowledging how for so many years it was basically me and him as each others' main support. In the dream, I got called into his room at the hospital and something was said about him wanting the picture instead of just the saying. I have no idea what that actually meant, but I looked on the wall of the room and there was a picture of an angel there. And I heard a song in my head, I couldn't understand the first few words that played in my mind. But then I walked over to him and took his hand and kind of softly sang to him, along with the song in my head, the line: "I'll see you through." I gave him a kiss as he smiled at me, then he closed his eyes and he was gone. I stood there for a second after the eyes closed and his hand kind of fell out of mine, truly signally to me he was gone. And I turned and dropped to the floor on my knees and bent over and began crying. That's when I woke up. And cried.

It's been just over 5 months since I lost him in real life. This isn't the first time I've dreamt about him. But it's the first time anything particular really stuck with me about it. Particularly that line, "I'll see you through". It was the only real dialogue in the dream that I could really hear clearly. Part of me thinks maybe he was trying to tell me something through the dream, especially with the seeing the image of the angel right before he left me. Then again, maybe I'm reading too much into it and it was just a weird coincidence that all that happened and that the dream came to me on Easter morning. But either way, it's stuck with me and my dreams usually don't. So this one must be more important for some reason.

Writer's Block: Words to Live by

What is your favorite quote?
"Everything happens for a reason"

Simple but true. We don't always like what happens, and we don't always like the reason it happens. Sometimes we may not even know the reason. But the quote is still extremely true. I remind myself of it constantly when something bad happens.

Yet another new chapter

So I started this new journal a couple of months ago because I was in a new stage in my life. I never thought I'd be entering yet another new stage a couple months later. This time due to tragedy striking. On November 6, 2011, I lost my father suddenly. Now I have been a Daddy's girl my whole life. I had a very close relationship with my father. I openly admit that my relationship with him was quite possibly at least borderline if not fully to an unhealthy level. We went shopping together, took vacations together. For years, it's been me and Daddy. And within a matter of days, that all changed. We had been out running errands together before I had to go to work the evening of November 4, one minute we're getting me a water bottle, the next he's telling me to take him to the ER. Two days later, he was gone. So that left me trying to find a new normal. A normal that didn't involve daily (sometimes multiple times a day) phone calls to my Daddy. A normal that didn't involve seeing him usually at least once a week. A normal where I get my hair done alone. A normal where nothing is truly normal anymore. And all of less than month before I turned 25 and when I should've been planning a wedding.

Now? I've figured out what my new normal is going to be. And I'm slowly making strides towards it. But it's been hard. I still have days where I have to remind myself that I can't call him, but it's not everyday multiple times a day like it was for the first month or so. I went back to work beginning of this month (I took about a month off to try to figure out what my new normal would be).

I have to say though, as hard as this last month as been. I've coped a lot better than I ever thought I would. I haven't returned to old habits like I always figured I would if I lost him, especially if I lost him young. Maybe it's all the promises I made him that final day. Maybe I'm just stronger than I ever believed myself to be. I'll probably never know why I'm handling it as well as I am. What I do know though, is that I'm surviving and I'm going to keep surviving. Not only am I going to continue to survive, but I'm going to keep those promises I made him and I'm going to make my Daddy proud of his little girl.

Reading List

One of the things I'm working on is reading more. I used to read a lot. Over the past few years, my reading has gone downhill quite a bit. In order to try to get back to reading more, I've made a list of books to read. This is just the list of the books that I currently have in my possession and know where they are and that I have not read yet. There are actually more books that I want to read, but they are either at my dad's house, packed up (either here or at my dad's or possibly even on loan to someone), or I don't own them yet/haven't borrowed them yet for some reason. There is also several books that I want to reread, most of those are at my dad's or out on loan though. I'll make a separate list for books I want to reread some other time.

I'm not including certain books on the list as I know probably won't ever just sit down and read them straight through (wedding books, natural health books, etc). The Reading List is behind the cut. I'm also always open to suggestions for books to read.

Reading ListCollapse )

I will update the list periodically as books get read/more books get added.

Writer's Block: 9/11

Writer's Block: MVP awards

What’s the most important thing to you (person, animal, anything)?